Alone
by Nr.Six
Summary: Temperance thinks and fears.....


BONES

This happens somewhere in the middle of the season. Temperance Brennan is at her home alone and thinking...

I think it's a bit after the Christmas episode where there is no one to visit Brennan and she stands and watches Booth and Parker and her other colleagues who meet up with people and she is all alone.

This is my first Bones-fic.There may be some spelling-mistakes because English isn't my native language.

Bones isn't mine!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Temperance is sitting on her couch. She has been sitting there for a while now.She stares at the floor without seeing anything. At least, not something that is visible for other eyes then hers.She sees a lot, in her mind.

It's silent in her house. Very silent.

And somehow the silence in her house makes her think about things.

About her life.

It makes her remember how lonely she really feels. And it makes her remember that she wants to push that feeling far, far away.

It's not a new feeling. She has felt lonely so many other times when she was younger.

When she was alittle child, and her parents dissapeared. And her brother left. And there were only strange people around her from then on. And she didn't feel at ease with them, and she couldn't talk to anyone about how she was feeling, how awful she felt. How badly she wanted to be held by her father, her mother or her brother. The longer that feeling stayed there, the more she froze up from the inside.Until she became harder, harder and harder.

Until she got so detached from herself that she could push those feelings away.

Like they didn't exist.

Like they never existed.

But that didn't work for long sadly enough. Because in those little moments that she is at home, with no one there, like now, the feeling pushes through everything and forces itself upon her. She won't get away from it.

She has learned that given the years.

Where ever she goes. It will always follow her, catch up with her.

Like now.

Is it so weird that she rather wants to be at the lab? That she wouldn't mind to practically live there? She feels usefull at the lab. People will miss her when she won't be there. She has a goal there. She can help someone. She can give people closure.

Closure that she never had.

She has control when she works because she knows that she is good at her work. She knows that she is very smart and one of the best. And others know that too, so they treat her with respect.Well, most of them do anyway.

But now, right at this moment, sitting on her couch at home, she doesn't feel missed. She doesn't feel smart and she doesn't feel like she could ever help anyone.

It's the silence that does this to her, the silence that creeps into her every single cell. That taunts her.

It's the walls that come towards her until she feels like there is no oxygen to breath in anymore. Like she is going to suffocate and there will be no one there to help her.

It's not like she has always been home alone. There were times that she had someone waiting for her.

Temperance frowns her brows as she thinks about her ex-boyfriend Pete. And then she thinks of all the other boyfriends that turned out to be mistakes. The break-ups didn't hurt so much. She can thank that to the fact that she never_ really_ let any of them close.

No, she doesn't let people close.

Letting people close is the same as letting them hurt you.

She has made a choice a long time ago, to never let anyone close anymore. And it has protected her. That is how she lives. It's how she knows that she can go on.

Day, by day.

But lately, her walls are crumbling. And the ice she has built around her heart is melting, the mine-field that she has put around the walls is being cleared up.

And that frightens her. It frightens her a lot.

Angela is her best friend. She is a very dear friend and Temperance now dares to admit that she loves her. She would do anything for Angela, would be there for her whenever Angela will need help.

Angela is sweet and caring and so positive. She really is an inspiration.

It's safe to say that Angela is closer to Brennan then anyone else. Angela has passed a few walls and barriers and has made her way up to Brennan's heart, there to stay.

But she isn't the one she is afraid off. Ofcourse she was in the beginning.

Letting anyone close is fearful.

But now there is a new threat.

A bigger threat.

Booth.

She can not allow that.

She can not allow Booth to pass her mine-fields, her walls _and_ the ice-layers.

It makes her...Afraid...

So afraid...She will never admit that to herself or to anyone else because she isn't someone to be afraid.

But still, sometimes when Booth is moving close, - figurative and litteraly-, she feels that she is shakingon the inside. Her body trembles. And then she scolds herself; angry with herself for losing control, for being afraid.

And sometimes when he smiles this certain way or says something sweet or caring she gets this feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She doesn't want that.

She likes bickering with him, teasing him. And these last months they have grown closer. She has noticed that but she has just pushed that away. Because she doesn't want to see that.

She needs to keep him away from her.

Because no one is allowed that close. Everyone has to stay at least an arm-length away, because then, she can always see the blow coming.

Then, she will be able to protect herself.

Temperance swallows.

But what is life worth if she goes on like this? If she stays cold and feelingless and detached from herself? Is that what she really wants? Is that really who she is?

Will she stand here when she is over sixty, still alone? Still sad and wondering what could have been...

A warm tear leaves a trail on her cheeck as it makes it's way down to the floor.

Things change.

She has to change.

Or she will fall behind.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you liked it!Please let me know what you think!


End file.
